I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you still have your period?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
