dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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