nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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