Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
