Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
