Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
