Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
