dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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