So drunk its hurt
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We are two peas in an std pod
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
