just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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