When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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