franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
