I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize