Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
