a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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