I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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