Just cropdusted the office
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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