i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
