guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
