jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
