I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
