I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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