no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
