Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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