in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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