i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
