Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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