it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
