Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
