shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
