The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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