you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
