Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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