How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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