And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
