This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
