I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
