How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
