I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
