Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
