community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
