I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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