At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
