two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
