I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
