i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
