sarcasm needs its own font
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The air was thick with penises
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I still have a little drunk in my system
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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