Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
