Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize