i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
