god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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