FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
