just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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