At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
