if you like me you must not know who I am
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
