Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
