Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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