One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
