3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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