u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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