Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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