We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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