First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
