i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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