Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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