my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
