the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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