So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
