well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize