every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
not ubering you a puppy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
