I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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