My hand turned me down
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
worst night to have a conscience
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
