i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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