you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize