Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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