You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
