try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
